Alone

Have you ever had one of those days when you feel so alone?

I am not physically alone.

 I am actually sitting right next to someone..but feel dis-connected.

We had a discussion..not an argument or a fight..just a discussion and I felt like I had no one on my side.

It is such an un-settling feeling

Alone – Adj :   separate, apart, or isolated from others

We have such a great relationship, but money puts such a strain on us.

Will it always be this way?

Make it stop

I want my best friend back with no awkward silences….

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when it rains….

It POURS!!!!

Literally!

I have talked about our bathroom re-model in prior posts. Well everything is moving along smoothly….that should have been the first indicator!

Complete new floor/sub-floor down – CHECK

All NEW copper pipes and drains – CHECK

Built-In Linen Cabinet – CHECK

Sheet rock up – CHECK

So now we are just waiting to have our NEW tub and shower installed..and we hear………….Drip..Drip…Drip….

Yup, there is a leak, but not with our work, oh no that would be tooo easy! The upstairs shower is leaking and the source has yet to figured out!! We may be facing another replaced shower!!!! UGH!  Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself…I am repeating this OVER and OVER

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Worry

WOR-RY  ~ A Verb  ~ to torment with cares, anxieties, etc.; trouble; plague.

Looking up the definition, it really sums it up. TORMENT . It is a feeling that I usually have very little control of, and usually runs wild through my heart. I have overwhelming worry and concern over so many situations, I wish I could get a handle on it. It overwhelms me. TORMENT. Worry causes my heart to ache. Worries over money, my children, our health, my choices, the people I love. TORMENT. Some days, I become consumed, like today. Most days, I can’t even put my finger on what sets it off, what causes my angst. The Bible tells us not to worry, I read the verses  repeatedly, now if I could just abide by it, I would be ok  😦

 ²⁵“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]?

 ²⁸“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

-Matthew 6:25-35

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I am in now in the Twilight Zone

Well that’s what it feels like anyhow. Nobody sent me the memo on how things change so quickly when the kids become older and more independent. I mean, yes I knew some things would get easier..and some tougher, but somehow it has happened so quickly right before my eyes!

All of the sudden, the kids are making their own plans and finding their own rides. We ran to Home Depot with the 2 younger ones, and my daughter casually says ” I think I am going to call Grandma and see if  I can sleepover.” Then, proceed to ask Little Guy if he would like to join her???  dodododo dododododo.. You are now entering the Twilight Zone….

First off, she has never suggested that before, and second and most shocking, she has NEVER asked to spend more time with her little brother!!

When we get home, they are packing their bags, my oldest calls from his pals and asks to spend the night over there! Wow-wee!! Just 5 short years ago, I would have paid top dollar for someone to take all three off my hands, and now they are planning their own escape!

It is now 8pm, and hubby and I  are sitting on the couch dumbfounded. Yes, looking back this has happened quite a bit lately, but it just hit us NOW! What should we do? Go to bed? Watch TV? We didn’t have tons of extra money to go out to eat..so now what?? We went bowling and had a blast!! Just the two of us! It was weird at first, and I do have to admit I had considered calling my younger ones and just let them know we were going in case they changed their minds…blush! But then we bowled a few games, and then paid for a few more..having so much fun together!

Then we arrived back at Planet Earth… got a few calls from my daughter, she was bored…My mom called, she was worried at my brother…So then I decided to check in with my oldest. Dropped him a text around 10pm. Now he is very responsible, always calls and checks in without me reminding him, so I never worry about him. That was until last night!

We came home, threw ourselves on the couch both moaning how sore we were from all those extra games of bowling and wondering where our curve ball was that we use on Wii Sports! We popped some Aleve and headed to bed, when I realized my son never got back to me! Ok, now it’s almost midnight?? wait, he always texts back! I text again, and threaten him, thinking I am being blown off. Nothing . Call him. Nothing .  Hubby calls. Nothing…..now it’s 12:15 and I am starting to panic. I am worried because I am worried! I never worry, so why am I worrying now? Oh dear…. Call his friends home phone, this will settle this. Nothing . Now hubby is starting to get concerned too. So, now at 12:35, we are both in our PJ’s, in the cold, driving to his friends home. Lights are out, and not all the cars are there..oh boy… Hubby knocks on the door..and five minutes later, two sleepy-headed teenagers answer the door! THANK GOD! They fell asleep on the couch early watching a movie, and only his dad was home, snoozing upstairs…. We get back in the car, and I start to shake. Holy Cow!

We crawl back into bed after I ate half a bottle of Tums, and then I realize it’s only easier in some aspects, but even harder in others.

Can I promise this won’t happen again? Not a chance!

As I am writing this, the cat has just threw up on the floor, my daughter has texted me three times, and hubby just walked by with an attitude…Aahhhhhh, no more Twilight Zone..I am back

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